Want a quick way to learn a little more about someone before you meet them in person?

Try this: When you’re talking on the phone, playfully ask your date a series of simple, random questions. Nothing serious. Just keep it conversational:

What’s your favorite color?

Do you like dogs?

What’s your favorite food?

Are you a morning person or a night owl?

Have you ever been skiing?

Keep the questions coming. Then, somewhere in the middle, ask a question that actually matters to you.

For example: “Have you ever been physically aggressive with a partner?” or “Have you ever cheated in your marriage?”

Then pay attention—not just to how quickly they answer, but to what they say, how they say it, and whether their answer feels consistent with the rest of the conversation.

Here’s the important part…

A hesitation doesn’t automatically mean someone is lying. People pause because they’re surprised, nervous, uncomfortable, or simply thinking about how they want to answer. So don’t turn this into a homemade lie detector test.

Instead, use it as an opportunity to listen for red flags.

If someone gives you an answer that makes you uncomfortable, don’t talk yourself out of that feeling just because they’re attractive or you’ve already made plans. And if their answer is a dealbreaker for you? You don’t have to meet them.

That’s the beauty of doing a little screening before you’ve invested your time, energy, or emotions.

And if you DO decide to meet…You can take your screening a step further.

Depending on the situation, consider using a reputable background-check service, particularly if you’re meeting someone you met online. And if you do one, be transparent about it rather than secretly digging into someone’s personal information.

Most importantly, meet in a public place, tell a friend where you’re going, and have your own transportation.

Because dating should be fun. But smart dating is sexy, too.

You don’t need to interrogate someone like they’re applying for a security clearance. Sometimes, you just need to ask the right questions—and actually listen to the answers.

Three seconds isn’t a lie detector. But a thoughtful question can reveal a lot.

Speak with Judy: Book Here