Dating someone doesn’t automatically mean you’re in a relationship. In the early stages, you’re A Pair and a Spare: 3 Reasons to Date More Than One Person

Is it okay to date more than one person at the same time? Absolutely—when you’re single and haven’t agreed to be exclusive with anyone, dating multiple people can be a smart way to figure out who is actually a good match for you. To be clear, you shouldn’t be having eggs with them at this stage.

Let’s talk about the “pair and a spare” dating strategy and why keeping your options open can help you avoid getting emotionally attached to someone before you really know them.

1. You’re Not Exclusive Yet

If you haven’t had the conversation about being exclusive, you’re still dating—not committed.getting to know each other and deciding whether there’s enough compatibility, chemistry, and consistency to move forward.

That means you don’t have to put your entire dating life on hold because you went on a few great dates with one person.

And no, dating multiple people doesn’t mean you need to sleep with multiple people. This is about dating and getting to know people, not rushing into physical intimacy.

2. You Don’t Really Know Them Yet

This is one of the biggest reasons I recommend keeping your options open early in dating.

Someone can be charming, attractive, funny, and incredibly exciting—and you can still have no idea yet whether they’re actually relationship material.

It takes time to see how someone communicates, whether they follow through, how they handle disappointment, whether their actions match their words, and whether your relationship goals align.

When you’re dating more than one person, you’re less likely to put someone on a pedestal simply because you’re excited about the possibility of what could be.

Let people show you who they are.

3. Don’t Wait Around for Someone Who Isn’t Your Match

Here’s the big one.

I don’t want you sitting at home waiting for one person to decide whether they want to date you while you’re already emotionally invested.

Keep living your life. Keep meeting people. Keep having experiences.

If the person you’re dating turns out to be your person, great! You can choose each other and become exclusive.

And if they don’t? You haven’t spent weeks or months putting your entire dating life on pause for someone who wasn’t the right match.

The Bottom Line

Dating is about discovering compatibility—not auditioning for the role of someone’s girlfriend or boyfriend.

Until you’ve mutually agreed to be exclusive, it’s okay to explore your options and date more than one person.

The goal isn’t to collect dates.

The goal is to find the person who consistently shows you that they are a healthy, compatible match for you.

So go ahead. Date the pair. Keep the spare.

Just don’t lose yourself while you’re looking for your person.

Happy dating!

— Judy Sekinger

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Dating Expert & Strategist
Helping you get into your happy, healthy relationship.